Location Transport

What do you think of my poem please?

The human condition What of us Apes? An epidemic case called the human race, We be with two arms, And two of these transporters, Opposable thumbs for flipping those quarters, A little thing called our ticker, So no need for any grave digger, All that vitamin D make them too happy, The rest of us gotta rely on some cocoa bean, That be feeding our addictive personality, What a shame it be clogging up your artery, Everyone of us the same we would be, Were it not for a little thing called reality, A concept of the human mind, Another symptom of our kind, It gives words to my tongue, It helps me grow from being young, Although I may be a strange contraption, I don’t really mind this human condition. I did post this before but I did not get any replies, but all opinion and criticism's are really appreciated, thank you for your time.

Public Comments

1. contraption and condition dont really go ? i dont know why it doesnt flow at the end but the rest is really really good :] just switch that up and cha bam amazing poem
2. The human condition What of us Apes? An epidemic case called the human race, We be with two arms, And two of these transporters, Opposable thumbs for flipping those quarters, A little thing called our ticker, So no need for any grave digger, All that vitamin D make them too happy, The rest of us gotta rely on some cocoa bean, That be feeding our addictive personality, What a shame it be clogging up your artery, Everyone of us the same we would be, Were it not for a little thing called reality, A concept of the human mind, Another symptom of our kind, It gives words to my tongue, It helps me grow from being young, Although I may be a strange contraption, I don’t really mind this human condition. Well, I only have two problems with this poem: The original structure was irritating me and the rhyme is a tad forced! Other than that, I like it!