Location Transport - My girlfriends parents are crazy, help!?

My girlfriends parents are crazy, help!?

Here is the deal, my girlfriend and I are both very free spirited people, we cannot be tamed and we love to run wild, except together. Anyhow, we are both sixteen and Sophomores in high school. We go to different high schools but live half a mile from each other. Her parents are very religious; they belong to the right wing evangelical side of the Christian faith. My girlfriend is basically the black sheep in her family because she wears makeup, she wears clothing that shows she is a woman (She doesn’t really wear revealing clothing though), she cares about how she looks and she has a social life. She has six siblings. She has two older siblings, one is twenty the other is seventeen and four younger siblings (Three, seven, twelve and nine) Anyhow, everyone in her family except her and her older brother (He is seventeen) are “Good little Christian children” and their parents talk about how my girlfriend is a screw up and how her younger siblings will wrong her mistakes as a child, but they do not treat her older brother like this. These are direct quotes from her parents: “Well it is just nice to know she is not doing drugs.” (Uncaringly and serious) “She is the spawn of Satan!” (Seriously) “Your little sisters will be the little girls we always wanted but never got, minus your older sister.” (You get my point) So here is the problem: Her parents think she is not part of the family anymore because of all the time she spends with her friends and I away from her family, and in the process she is developing into an independent free thinker. Her parents are afraid that we are exposing her to ideas that will lead her away from the “Evangelical Christian path.” And when they all die she will not be able to spend eternity with them in paradise due to her being “A naughty little sinner.” So anyhow, here are the restrictions. 1.)She has to call her mom or dad whenever she changes locations, say she crosses the street to someone else’s house, and she has to call. 2.)She can only hang out one-week day a week three to five. 3.)She can only hang out one weekend day till 9:30 P.M. 4.)No sleepovers at any friend’s house. 5.)Wear what they tell her to. 6.)Go to church (She stopped, she is not as religious as she was, but I didn’t know her when she was) 7.)Do four hours of chores everyday since she is not hanging out. 8.)Breathe, eat, think and sleep the way we tell you to pretty much. It is blatantly obvious this is a religious issue, and I do not know what to do, however, I do know this is going to backfire on her parents horribly. You cannot restrain a free spirited person, the more you tie them down the more they kick and scream, then they will really start doing crazy things. If her parents control her every opportunity she gets she is going to go out and do something incredibly dumb (Drugs, alcohol, cheat on me) I am not saying this because she said she will, I know she will. She will do all those things because they would be “Breaking the rules.” And it would help her cope with the extra extreme control her parents have over her due to the new set of imposed rules. Doing drugs and drinking would be breaking their rules. Cheating on me would be breaking relationship rules. Get the idea? Also, I know how this will go, because I am EXACTLY like her and my parents tried to do the same thing to me last year before I met my girlfriend and it backfired in this same exact way. She has also told her best friend and I we are the reason she doesn’t go off the wall and keeps sane as it is, and her best friend is as concerned as I am, without us to keep her inline and these new rules, and the fact I get to see her little as it is because of the school set up is going to put serious strain on the relationship. What the hell do I do? Sorry this is really long.

Public Comments

just be supportive of her. tell her that you'll do anything you can, and that it's only 2 more years before she can move out. you can't really get involved with her parents though, because they have the final say, even though it sounds ridiculous.... good luck
Her parents really do sound crazy! Maybe once she gets older they will loosen up? Maybe if she goes to church again, and makes a deal they will let her hang out more? Like if she says I will go to church if you will relax the restrictions of my free time. I'm really sorry for you, that really sucks! Good luck =].
okay i read half and gave up but all i know is her parents will not change. they are set in their ways and there is no way of changing them. perhaps your girlfriend can talk to them about how they approach her on the subject. instead of degrading her they should be understanding and try to "help her" the way they think neccessary without making her feel like crap. she can talk to them nd tell them that she is 16 years old. she's not a child anymore. she can make up her own mind and do as she pleases (to some extent). they will not be able to control her forever. perhaps have her get a job to show that she is a person, not a robot. idon't really know, i hope this helped a litte at least excuse the typos my keyboard is being a pain
wow thats confusing... her parents sound amazing... i'v never heard of a christian family being so uptight! 4 hours of chores! WOW soz didnt really help lol
I do wish you had identified the denomination the family belongs to. This is really a tough one. And you are right the more her parents try to control her the more she is going to try to rebell. Maybe not as extremely as you think but rebell she will Right now sugar the best you can do is be an anchor for your girlfriend. Be someone she can count on to give her support and understanding. And keep reminding her that in two years she can move out of her parents home and have her own life on her own terms. Good luck
Talk to her about your concerns. I understand... my dad is a pastor, and I definitely had a few years of rebellion. She needs to pick whichever parent she is more comfortable with (for instance, my mom was stricter than my dad), and talk to them about how she feels. She needs to do this in a very adult way, no whining. By showing responsibility, and acting like an adult, her parents may give her more freedom. I understand that she probably wants to act out, but for her sake she needs to behave, and show her parents she is responsible. This took me awhile to figure out... but once I did my parents never really cared about my coming home by curfew if I called and asked. And they trusted me to make my own decisions about who I hung out with once I demonstrated to them I could stay out of trouble. She should also start going to church again. I say this as someone who is dragged to church every time I go home, but it makes my parents happy. By at least playing the part of a good daughter she will be able to get away with a lot more, and she can keep things together until she is 18 and able to move out or go to college. As for your relationship... just take it easy. She has a strange family, but you like HER not them. Just help her deal with her family; support and listen to her. I would also go talk to her parents. Once again, act adult, show them you are responsible and that you care about their daughter. They may let her hang out with you more if they feel they can trust you. Once again... I understand you are free spirited. But its really about giving her parents peace of mind, so that she can do what she wants. This is all advice I wish someone would have given me earlier. It would have saved me lots of arguments with my parents.
It looks like there's nothing you can do about her parents, but you can make like a little easier for her by sticking by her and making the time you do have together special. You could slip her notes somewhere where her parents won't find them, or surprise her at a friend's house when they won't be around. It's not a nice situation, but it's between her and her parents; and sometimes problems have no easy solution. The other issue you raised about her doing drugs/alcohol/cheating as a result of being tied down... that's rubbish. You said you did something similar, but I'm sure you knew even as you were doing it that it was your own choice. Her parents won't make her cheat on you. Drugs, alcohol, yes, I can see the reasoning behind that; but cheating is totally unrelated to her situation at home. She'll do it because she wants to do it, and there's nothing to make her do it except herself.
That's really sad. I'm sorry that I don't have much advice for you because much of this comes down to - she's under 18 and has to stick it out. One thing I can say... I had a mom like that and a boyfriend that was the only thing that kept me sane (I was 17) and it was total hell but he went through it with me, after I turned 18 I told my mom to fuck off and now were engaged. my advice is hang in there, at least do it for her.
It is really long. Well, try to advise your girlfriend, her parents was the same with my parents,but i am not a black sheep like her, she needs to understand that her parents was telling her the truth, she's going to hell if she didn't change her attitude. I am a woman also and teenager but I'm not wearing those daring clothes and correction her parents are not CRAZY. Your girlfriend doesn't understand the feelings of her parents. They are telling her the truth,maybe they cannot talk and tell it to her in a nice way that is why your girlfriend was doing such things. Talk to her and explain it well, it's better if you are going to church with your girlfriend. Good luck!
hey freely spirited people the one who are very near to the god... every one has their own mind ..... the purpose of worship is to reveal to you your own being... just opposite of what the religions have been teaching you..........just stand in front of the mirror & and practice ur own reflection... if its bad correct yourself if it good try to adhere it..
If you are sure that they are trying to exercise too much control over what she thinks and does (and at 16 you would be starting to let go as parents but still keeping a hand on the reins) then you probably need to suggest she sits down with you guys and has a good talk. Topics should include what are the good things about following the faith her parents want her to, are they being too restrictive, what she should do if they are, is rebelling a good move, might she be trying to rebel too strongly and heading for things she'll regret... etc. Basically helping her to see that even though (if you've got it correctly sussed out, which I'm not casting doubt on - there are certainly parents like that), even though her parents are trying to be too controlling and rub her nose in the religion, that it doesn't make the religion invalid, possibly their view on how it should be expressed is invalid, but not necessarily the standards are. I know a family where the children seemed to be extremely well behaved and polite but was starting to wonder if dad was exercising too iron-clad control. The daughter at about age 12 got the strap while we were there (in private) for forgetting to tell her parents she was going to the shops with a trusted adult one night when a group of use were eating together. Now admittedly they lived on a street where you preferred to know if your 12-year-old daughter went out through the front door, but she was barely able to walk afterwards and a grounding would have seemed a more appropriate punishment or loss of some other privilege. Over time, I had also noticed that they seemed to have too many chores to do and that adults were to be served and obeyed, simply because they were adults. I think the children had too much to do. On the first occasion I saw the children without their father around, they were playing loudly and laughing like normal children. They had always seemed very quiet, shy children. This very much rang alarm bells that they were always so quiet when dad was around - they also seemed to be expected to be quiet and not speak if other adults were there. When the son was 16, he started smoking and soon after was going out getting drunk with his friends. This may not seem surprising in some 16 year olds but this family was a church-going family and very straight. About a year after that, he moved out of home and started living with a girl, got that girlfriend or another girl pregnant, and his sister who is about 2 years younger is pregnant as well to someone who is a bit of a "wild card." Both young people are getting married early next year, and will both be under 20, the girl less than 18. We know the father of the daughter's baby from way back and don't think he's suitable material for family life at this point in time, if he ever will be and question either son or daughter should be marrying but this is probably another case of coercion from their father. Both children have been kept under the thumb far more than they should, both rebelled and both have "flung" themselves too far. This is what your friend needs to understand, that despite any wrong-doing on her parents' part, she should be careful about her response to it. It is common to either break or rebel under excess control but there is another road; recognising the control is wrong and behaving as one should, despite the desire to completely rebel. All the best and good on you for caring.