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Can I have my son's last name legally changed to mine and get sole custody since his dad is no longer involved?

My ex and I were never married. We were together for 10 years and had a son together who is now 4. We haven't been together for a couple of years and we haven't heard from him for nearly a year even though he lives in the same town. I guess he decided he didn't want to be involved. I've heard from people that because we weren't married at the time of his birth I would have to file for custody. My ex signed the declaration of paternity and is on the birth certificate, however he hasn't responded to child support services and their attempts to reach him to establish a child support order. I heard he was arrested about 2 months ago for dealing/transporter marijuana. He was released on bail right away and as far as I know because it's his first offense/arrest he will likely only get a fine and maybe probation. I'm wondering if now is the time to go to court to establish custody and I wonder what the liklihood is that the court would grant me sole physical and legal custody? Would they try to get my ex involved even if he has shown a lack of interest in doing so before? If I wanted his parental rights severed would it take more than him just not coming around for a year? Would I have to prove him unfit? Would the judge make the decision or would my ex have to agree to sign his rights away? If my ex doesn't want to be involved or even pay child support I would prefer him to not have the right to come in and out of my son's life whenever he likes down the road... and also tell me if I can or cannot move, etc. I would also like my son to have my last name if I'm going to be the one raising him alone. I think it would just make more sense. Why should he have a man's name who walked away and doesn't want any part of him? So, how do I go about this? And what happens if I file for custody and my ex doesn't show up to the court dates? Do I automatically get what I ask for? Any info helps. Thanks.

Public Comments

1. Knowing what state you are talking about would help.