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Is my 14 year old strangely mature/independent for her age?

Ever since my daughter has been about 11 my husband and I have noticed that she seems to think and speak in a much more mature way than her peers. She can speak to us about very relevant issues with good insight and intelligence - her answers often surprise me, especially in how she is able to present an idea to me which I haven't considered before. We have always granted her a good deal of freedom and independence and she has never once abused that privilege. She acts well, especially in public, not for fear of us disciplining her but because she is very aware of the stereotype often put on teenagers and doesn't want to be thought of that way. She is capable of staying home alone for fairly long periods and into the night and has been putting herself to bed at a reasonable time since the age of 8. I trust her to go almost anywhere by herself or with her friends using public transport. We don't plan her route for her, rather let her figure it out herself. If she gets it wrong, and ends up somewhere she doesn't know she is capable of getting herself home without a fuss. We never restricted her internet/tv/phone use. I have always compared myself to the parents of her friends. In particular there is one girl who - although a very nice, well mannered girl - is very dependant on her mum to speak for her and often struggles to do anything independently. This is also the girl who has had the least amount of freedom out of their little group of friends. Do you think freedom and maturity are connected? She has a very good grip on the way the world works and, when I am cautious about letting her do something, constantly reminds me that not everyone is a pedophile or somehow out to get her and that the majority of people will look out for her. She is very academically bright but is getting increasingly frustrated at the way her school system works - she has always had very strong opinions about things and they are always very well founded. All that said she is still a typical teenager at times, arguing ferociously with my husband and I. She is conscious of her image and likes to look nice. However she doesn't act out in school to try and gain acceptance into the 'popular' crowd but settles for a group of friends who although aren't the most popular, are generally liked and respected. She never tries to hide her passion for reading and really does care about how she does at school. Just wondering what you all think. Thanks :)

Public Comments

1. Yes!
2. She has a good head on her shoulders. Though there may be more sides to her than you think. Most people clean up their acts for their parents. Anyway , No i don't think freedom and maturity go hand in hand. Why ? Because i don't really get more freedom than my friends , yet i can argue with adults intellectually , get my self home on my own , get good grades,, stay away from drugs and alcohol ( for a much different reason ). I think it all depends on the personality of the person , not their freedom.
3. she sounds like me when i was 14 :L i think that's normal, and she's just a smart kid :) yes i think freedom and maturity are connected somewhat. although there are idiots who get to go out and have unprotected sex with everyone...they aren't very mature. My mum's been good with me...put me on the pill when i was 14, bought me (not very strong) alcohol to take to parties and stuff, let me have friends over. she wanted to know what i was drinking, and know that i was in someone's house drinking, rather than out in a park somewhere. I've never had an STD, pregnancy scare or had my stomach pumped :o thanks mum :D
4. She seems to have a little more maturity than her her peers. Perhaps she's looking at the bigger picture and seeing that school will determine the rest of her life, not partying. She'll have a good, successful life if she carries on this way. However, a mature 14 year old is still a 14 year old, don't forget that. :)
5. I'm very much the same way. My parents always let me make my own choices, and if I screwed up, well sucks to be me :) There's definitely a link between freedom and maturity. How can they be mature if their parents do everything for them? I was visiting a university with one of my friends the other day. (It was a school organized trip, otherwise her parents would have been there.) She kept saying how 'cool' it was that I would approach the professors to ask questions about their programs, or students to ask about their experiences. I got the feeling that if I hadn't been there, she wouldn't have gotten any information. I'm not crazy about going out with this friend, because she can be a little naive, especially in the city, around people who aren't like her. (We live in a small, rural town. Very Christian and white, so there's not a lot of diversity.) Your daughter's lucky to have parents who allow her the freedom to grow up, and you'll both be grateful for it when you send her off to university in a few years. :)
6. she sounds normal..... just because every kid in our days is a junkie or a tramp doesnt make the normal kids some great existance just be glad shes well behaved for the mean time and hasnt gotten sucked in by todays trends.... cos shes only 14 thats 5 more years of teenageness waiting to happen and hormones rage at this time thats enough to test any 1s level headedness so dont count your chickens before they hatch a wise man once said.....
7. Yes. She is more mature then me and I'm 14 ツ.
8. yes- you have an intelligent, mature kid. Be proud.
9. She has a good head on her shoulders and that is a great thing.
10. tl;dr sry
11. children reflect there parents. we dont like to think so when were teens but those of us that have good parents know and wish we could have been better and grow up to be respected parents ourselves. im 17 now and i know that maturity has everything to do with freedom. i was as disobedient as they come, and my parents disciplined me very well, but i acted out again and again. for that i was stuck at home alll the time and eventually got pulled out of school to be home schooled. i realized that behaving like that got me nowhere. ive always been smart and acted very mature when i wanted. same as now. i act very mature and i am aware of my surroundings due to past experiences. i have freedom at last! sooo. to answer your question. your daughter is lucky to have wise parents and she seems to know what shes doing. trust is a big part in a family and she has yours and you have hers. thats rare in many families. maturity and freedom are more connected in stable households, as it seems yours is. i hope this helped.
12. It's not strange at all. I'm 14 and your daughter kind of reminds me of myself. I am able to have debates, not fights, about religion and politics with some of my close friends. This isn't all that we talk about, I mean, we are teenagers, but it's nice to have "grown-up" conversations with people who understand and respect your beliefs,values,culture,etc. Whether it has to do with freedom, I'm not sure. I have a friend whose mom drives her everywhere- mall,friend's house, boyfriends house,parties- and she is the same age as me! She is mature in the sense that she has had many boyfriends and knows older people (high school boys) but I would not be able to talk about how ridiculous Christine O'Donnell is with her. My parents let me go places with people they know. If they don't know them,they trust me enough to know that I won't do anything bad. I'm not a good kid because I wanna seem like a goody-two-shoes, I'm a good kid because I want to have a good future:)
13. I never , drank, smoke, or had sex till this day I am 19. I rearly swear. My Mom was very strict on me. I got little freedom. I am 19 now I am putting myself through college. I have my own car. I buy my own groceries, clothes I pay bills. I also graduated high school with a 3.77. My Mom was really strict to the point of emtional abuse.SInce she was so strict I wanted to suceed as a way to say I can do this on my own. I bought my own car too! My Mom was strict I am now in college for being a doctor. I think i turned out alright. When I did get my freedom i did not go out and go crazy. When I turned 18 graduated. First thing I did was look into college. I never been drunk never smoked anything. I do think their is a restriction with freedom with teens. They do not have the frontal lobe developed for reasoning. 14 is young too she probably just now getting into boys. Hormones and not correct reasoning can get you in trouble. My Mom was a 16 year old goody good. She made all As was a cheerleader, track team, German club, gymnastics. She only had sex once for the first time. Guess what? She got pregnant.