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Am I a Clever Writer?

Ok, I came up with these "random" (I don't know if that's the word) sentences, for English class. I know not ALL of them make sense, or are clever. So, can you please tell me which sentences I should keep and which sentences I should ditch? Here they are... I felt worse than Terry Fox when he read a joke of himself on a wrapper of Hubba Bubba. I felt worse than an 8 year old boy realizing all the Pokemon cards had sold out just a minute ago...to an 8th grade rock-fanatic. I felt dumber than that one kid who dressed up as Spiderman for the premiere of the Dark Knight. I felt dumber than a women who paid for an abortion before checking her pregnancy test results I feel more desperate than a pilot trying to take his aircraft off - in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I felt more desperate than a girl who treats the rehab clinic as a dating centre – A great way to meet new people who are looking for a long-lasting relationship, this time with a person. I felt lazier than an Italian chef who hires a “cheese-grater”. I felt lazier than an overweight man who uses his dog as a “remote-fetcher”, you know, to get the remote from the table to his hands, where he can press the “on” button, ALL while his *** smothers his poor velvet sofa. I felt lazier than a man who uses his car to get to his neighbours house, you know, for “quicker and easier transportation”. I felt crazier than a middle-aged who refers to his TV has a "portal to another world".

Public Comments

1. I really dont think there that good. Except the one that says============================> I felt dumberer than a women who paid for an abortion before checking her pregnancy test results
2. No, you are not a clever writer. Do not give up the day job. These metaphors are far too clumsy. Having said that, do keep on practicing. Your style of writing might just find a place in the American styles. Never give up. Persevere. Keep trying. You owe it to yourself. And good luck in finding a publisher.